| how i feel. |
[8-19-06 at 2pm] |
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this week seems to be pissy for everyone. here is what i have come to the conclusion of...
i hate boys. i know sucky right.
sorry though its just everytime i think some kind of miracle will happen and they will be amazing well they just go out of their way to prove me wrong.
And well im done with it all.
i'm done trying to prove to a guy that i'm worth it.
i'm done doing much of anything to get their attention.
i shouldn't have to be somebody i'm not just so they like me.
you know?
it's not fair cuz i am a great girl.
and i've been let down too much by male figures.
For once i want a guy that pays attention to the little things.
one that gives me flowers cuz he thought it might "brighten up my day"
who will laugh at stupid things like how stupid the guys accent is in the movie and NOT TELL ME IM MEAN CUZ I THINK ITS FUNNY.
who doesn't think the idea of dancing in the rain is childish
who grabs my hand when were walking just to remind me he likes to be near me.
who leaves me cute voicemails when he knows i cant answer the phone but calls to hear my voice anyway.
who respects me and my wishes and encourages me to reach my goals.
who makes me feel that i am a beautiful person inside and out even if i wear sweats and a tee all the time.
i want a guy to like me for me.
and i want him to treat me like it too.
i know im greedy. but it doesnt matter. im done looking anyway.
if a guy wants to spend his time on me then maybe ill change my mind.
but ive been left broken hearted one too many times </3
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[8-14-06 at 10pm] |
seriously today sucked and here is why. cuz this morning i quit bball and then jackie like hates me. and then i helped my dad put in a new sprinkling system then my mom got home and we got in a big fight about how she thinks i made the biggest mistake ever by quitting and then they told me that i waste all of my time and we got in a huge fight and my sister is mad at me cuz i quit and she didnt know til today and everyone is mad at me at my house then me and my dad were pitching and we got in a huge fight about pitching and he basically told me to go to hell and that he doesnt want to even look at me for the rest of the week and that he isnt gonna help me anymore. and then my livestrong bracelet broke and it was the one i got at kolleen roberts funeral and on top of all of that i am really sick. and everyone in my house is so wrapped up in steph (my sis) that they just forget about me. and jackie fincher like hates me.
and im just a big selfish loser.
and i am so sick of trying to make things work.
im just done.
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[8-8-06 at 1pm] |
well its been a bit longer than forever.
but i am finally updating.
so summer has made me realize a lot of things.
especially the past like week.
like how i love my friends.
and how boys can really screw with your head.
thats a big one.
ive noticed how in the past year i have let my friendships with people go
and i feel bad for that
i am so glad jack and i are so close.
but i miss someof my other friends
who i feel like even when we hangout they dont like me.
college in a year scares the crap out of me
so does getting a scholarship for softball
i have 3 months until early signing.
thats a short time
senior year should be great.
im pretty excited.
this is our last year!
im excited to see my classes
and hope that i like the people in them
thats all for now.
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[5-2-06 at 10pm] |
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Ghettto<3
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| springbreak2006 |
[4-23-06 at 2pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 wooho. |
] |
Ok break.
was so amazing.
like seriously.
from aust's and TB.
to walks down garfield.
to the civic center, arbies, and ottawa, and bk with my best friend. and 7-11.
to stoney with steve and our adventure at hallmark and beach volleyball w/ the boys. who think their sweet., annoying little girls, and good cake.
to more beach volleyball at the civic center, and taking too many pictures.
to fights online that last til 2, and talking to a sleeping friend.
then off to west's for more fun. and more friends.
then more fun at west's and some pong. then some rapping. and some persuasion that 2nd grade loves dont last. to hearing about daffy duck valentines. and the some broken promises. and the ride home with toccs sam mark and carla...ahh geeez.
to unforgetable quotes like tengo No. and STUPID boys. and convincing carla she is one hot ass bitchh ;)
i think i can say this break is more than unforgettable.
i love my friends to death.
they are amazing.
we partyy like rockstars.
and you wish you were sweet like us.
loveee break.<33
(despite liars who LIE and suck and are compulsive)
to friends i didnt see. i love you dearly. and hanging out is soooon to come. i love you all so very much. and im sorry that we didnt get to hangout <333
i suffer post break depression.
but it is only a glimpse at the amazing summer ahead of us before our final year.
laugh to hard, and party too much, were only young once. so make it last. <3 my friends, you guys are irreplaceable. and are all so Gorgeous.
kbye.
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[4-9-06 at 7pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gah. |
] |
As quickly as i am up i am down.
i had a lovely evening with my best friend.
we went to coldstone
and i got a free shirt for singing a song.
and then we watched narnia.
good movie.
uhmm so my biggest pet peeve is liars.
compulsive ones.
like if you say you are gonna call.
and that yuour not gonna forget.
then dont forget.
or if you say were hanging out
then lets hangout.
im so sick of this shit.
so uuhm spring break shall be fun.
especc. the last weekend.
:)
uhmm yeah im annoyed right now.
but i am finally getting my sweet dig camera.
cheaaaa,
and easter is sooon.
loveeeeee holidays.
and i love friends<3.
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| notes. |
[4-2-06 at 4pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bummed |
] |
so here are 2 notes.
good note- softball team is ranked 6th in the state.
and we are 3-0 and were gonna be amazing.
everyone has to come and watch us.
yep cuz were sweet.
and i played alright.
i hit sweet 3-5
and on base 4-6.
pitched well.
could of been better.
bad note- well i think im getting uhm idk i dont want to say this wrong and have everyone saying i am skinny. cuz well frankly im not. far from. no i am not fat. i know that. dont worry i am not going to go and say i am large. cuz well i dont know. i dont have that negative image of myself. but i just look at all of these models and people. and i want to be like them. i want to have a super skinny body. and i want to just be super skinny. i mean tall and skinny you konw.
but prolly wont happen. i am on a strict diet now. and i am working out everyday for like 2 hours.
so hopefully some improvement will come. i want to drop like 15-20 pounds. so idk.
bad n0te- uhm i quit on boys.
as always.
they are so not worth the headache.
independent woman i guess.
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[3-23-06 at 1pm] |
uhm its weekend time.
whoop
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| weeekends |
[3-19-06 at 7pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good times |
] |
weekends are good.
as usual.
uhm yep variety show= sweet shit.
then some starbux where a creepy guy was lookin at me
then jj's for a while.
then home.
thank you jill and jack for the lovely peer pressure.
saturday did some sweet softball for like 6 hours
after a funeral.
then i went to the movies initially but that didnt work out.
so starbux instead, with joey.
it was a good time.
we talked.
it was pretty fun.
today did some softball.
pitched real good.
and then went to eat with my dad.
now idk.
was gonna go to the movies but its not happenin.
i dont think/
so prolly some cleaning.
and some gA. :)
lovelove the weekends.
maybe good. dk.
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| happy. ♥ |
[3-16-06 at 10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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yay. |
] |
chea.
yes thats right CHEA!
so i am happy.
for real this time.
not in a day it will change.
so i think i cant stop singing.
and footloose is by far the best music movie.
so yeah im glad me and jess are talking more.
and tomorrow me and jill and jack and everyone aree hanging out.
softball is fun. were gonna be amazing.
so training is amazing.
and i was so happy we did ladders today.
sweeet.
and played football.
and things are incredible.
and i just feel so happy.
and its fun to have crushes and like people.
especially when it works both ways.
it makes me happy.
for real.
so now for the beloved move.
idk when.
let this work!
so yeah.
happy happy happy
wow and the variety show tomorrow.
like who isnt stoked about it!
and yeah lovelove friends.
i seriously have just decided to put all bad behind.
i mean dude were freaking young and shit.
lets have a ball.
seriously.
and half days
then spring break
then memorial day
then summer.
i cant wait for summer.
but until then i guess i can wait.
besides im just happy.
and i love it.
<3me
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| yeah. |
[3-12-06 at 12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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yep |
] |
| [ |
music |
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you're beatiful |
] |
so softball starts in 2 days.
i am excited.
in a sense.
i mean i already have NO time for my friends.
so what now.?
i don't really know.
today i woke up at 10 am and minus food breaks i pitched and hit and it is now midnight
and i just came in an hour ago.
i have decided i want to drop 10 pounds.
i know i dont need to and blah blah.
but im not doing this because i think im fat.
im doing it to be healthier.
i know i can do it.
i have started this habit of running 3 miles a day.
its actually soothing.
training has been amazing lately.
friday we played football and soccer.
girls vs boys.
and the girls won in football.
and i had 2 touchdowns.
cheaaa :)
and idk.
i just hopei dont have to stop going.
i LOVE THE people.
uhm i have come to the conclusion
krystal penrose is one of my best friends.
last night we sat through this horrifying movie
HILLS HAVE EYES.
i screamed like a baby.
literally.
and krystal just laughed at me
but we agreed it was the most scary disturbing movie ever.
literally.
i was FREAKING OUT!
but yea.
i love you krystal <3
thats all.
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[3-7-06 at 6pm] |
so yeah.
today i ran 2.5 miles and was happy with myself.
school is rising up an unusual ammount of stress.
it sucks.
like i have 2 health projects. and its a bummer.
rawr.
i just want summer to come.
did you realize how close it truly is!!
like 3 months.
then were seniors can YOU BELIEVE IT
wow. 1 more year and i'll be so psyched for college i wont be able to stand myself.
seriously the thought of going into the "Real" world is so scary.
but i couldn't be more thrilled.
i want so badly to be independent.
to meet new people.
i am thrilled.
yes.
but anyways.
for the month of march i am goin veggie-only
no meat.
and i have given up fast food and candy
im kind of gonna be proud if i do it.
wish me luck<3
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[3-5-06 at 11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bummed |
] |
sorry its long
so this weekend was fun.
hung out with rach, amanda, tyler, caitlyn, jake, harry, roots drew and chinneck at tylers it was fun.
we played catch phrase (the boys cheated) and some cards. laid back but fun.
well you know we had our fun.
then yesteday which was saturday
i decided to clean my room hardcore.and im still not done.
but anyways lately i have had so much fun hanging out with krystal and erin and rach and caitlyn and amanda.
they are so sweet.
thank you guys for accepting me full-heartedly :)
i miss all of the people who basically made my summer (jill ,em, rach, jack(although we talk all the time on the phone) meliss, and you know just the usuals)
it seems whenever you all hangout that i am busy with softball or something.
idk i just miss you all.
and oh well. maybe its my fault i have lost so many friends this year.
like maybe i just accidently turned everyone against me and i didnt even know i was doing it.
i know i have changed but people change, its life.
and i just am so unhappy with my weight lately. i mean i know i am not fat but i was so determined to be like sixpack skinny. and i am working my ass off and it just bums me out cuz i see all these freaking skinny people in magazines and i want it to be me.
sorry this is long, :(
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[3-2-06 at 11am] |
ive decided to turn over a new leaf.
no more caring.
no more worrying.
just some fun.
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[2-19-06 at 10pm] |
Friday was amazing
sweet
and we did practically nothing.
i loved it hanging with some cool people
but "the nasty" was born.
lovee it.
and yeah basically just a fun night with some of my favorite people.
so break shall be fun.
im going to miss training for a week.
a whole week without it.
yuck.
i might just work out every day anyway.
wah.
crush. yuck these always suck.
but you seem nice
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[2-13-06 at 1am] |
heres to another guy down the drains
i think i should quit.
eh.
loveee lovee break in a week
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[2-7-06 at 4pm] |
so if you know of any cute available charming sweet fun romantic guys
send them to my door step
im apprehensive of the coming months
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[2-3-06 at 9pm] |
ive been sick for a million years and it sucks
actually for the past 8 days i missed school
i miss everyone.
and for once i know im better than you.
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[1-9-06 at 3pm] |
i got my braces off yayyy!
uhm so my snowcomnig dress. i bought it over the summer and i like it but my aunt is hemming it cuz i want a tealength and not long. and im excited. its prolly different than everyone elses but oh well i like being different :)
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| Schoool |
[1-6-06 at 12pm] |
Break is over.
and we are back in school.. unfortunatly.
so yeah some things i realized over break
+i love my friends
-i doont always get what i want
+i really want to play D-1
-i need to go on a diet(i am on one)\
+i love sleep
-i dont get enough sleep
-i miss a lot of people who i used to be really good friends with and im not anymore
+i love puppies (im getting a new one
+i love pictures
-i miss my digital camera that i broke
+i love to dress up
-im really lazy though so i dont do it a lot
-i hate being sick
-girls are all fake in high school
-guys are MOSTLY dicks.
it basically sucks
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